were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
