I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
