I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
