My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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