god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
