I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
