so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
