Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
