Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
