It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
