also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
