im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize