I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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