somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry about my life...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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