i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
