Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
