A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I cannot find my penis.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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