Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
