hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
