You're completely useless in the revolution.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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