I just made out with a guy for $7.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
