I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
