how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's the barista slut.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
