so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
