just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
