phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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