I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize