I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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