you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
