My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
