Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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