im drinking this country out of the recession.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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