can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
soo... how was my night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
