haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
