it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
