he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
