end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
