you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
