So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize