I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
