I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
