I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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