I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
