Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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