I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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