So drunk its hurt
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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