he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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