It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
