...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
