I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
