I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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