I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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