she was so not down for the gang bang
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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