Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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