I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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