Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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