Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize