It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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