girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
love makes seman taste better
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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