you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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