she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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