I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
